<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Lean On Me by giantpanda</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24771754">Lean On Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/giantpanda/pseuds/giantpanda'>giantpanda</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What if... [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Good Doctor (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Rewrite, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:56:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,089</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24771754</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/giantpanda/pseuds/giantpanda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Claire’s mother had been brought into the ER that night?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Claire Browne/Neil Melendez</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What if... [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799092</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It always bothered me that Claire went alone to identify her mother in the car.  I wanted to explore how things might change if she didn't go through that alone.  Neil is still with Audrey at the beginning of the story, and some other story lines from the show may show up, but will be slightly different.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neil packed up his things to get ready to leave.  It had been a long day.  He planned on stopping by the ER to see if Audrey wanted to go out for drinks or stay in.  As he left his office, he saw that Claire was leaving as well.</p>
<p>“You did good today,” he said as he caught up to her.  She had been the first resident to have their solo surgery. </p>
<p>“Thanks,” she smiled.  “It’s because I’ve had a good teacher.”</p>
<p>He laughed as they walked down the hall.  “I have to say I am a fan of the flattery.”</p>
<p>She shrugged.  “It’s also the truth.  Thank you for supporting me.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” he hesitated.  “It worked out this time, but you have to be careful about getting too involved with your patients.”</p>
<p>“I know,” she said.  “I’m working it.”</p>
<p>Her compassion, in additional to her skills as a surgeon, was why Neil thought she was the strongest resident.  He just didn’t want her to end up getting hurt or becoming too attached that she got distracted from her job.</p>
<p>“Any plans to celebrate your first surgery?”</p>
<p>“I’m actually having dinner with my mom.  She’s been staying with me.”</p>
<p>He knew some of her history with her mother and was surprised to hear that she had let her mother back into her life.  He still remembered their conversation about having children and how she said something about the past being the water under the bridge that almost drowned her. He hoped she wasn’t setting herself up for more heartache.  </p>
<p>“She actually left me a voicemail earlier, she told me she was proud of me,” she said shock coloring her words.</p>
<p>“She should be,” he said as they got to the elevator.</p>
<p>As the doors opened, her phone started ringing.  Apologizing, she took a step back to answer it.</p>
<p>“It’s my mom,” she said motioning for him to get on without her.  “Hi, mom,” she said with a smile.</p>
<p>Shaking his head, he stood off to the side too.  He was glad he did when he saw the smile slip from her face to be replaced with concern.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” he asked stepping towards her.</p>
<p>“That was the police.  My mom was in a car accident.  They’re bringing her to the ER.”</p>
<p>She seemed frozen, unsure what to do.  It was so different from the Claire he was used to seeing when dealing with patients.  He placed his hand against her arm to encourage her to move.</p>
<p>“We’ll go down there now.”</p>
<p>“No, you don’t have.”</p>
<p>“I was going there anyway.”</p>
<p>She nodded and got on the elevator with him.  They rode down to the ER in silence.  He wondered how serious the accident was.  Once they got there, he saw Audrey. </p>
<p>Telling Claire to wait, he walked over to her.  “Has a car crash victim arrived yet?”</p>
<p>“Not yet,” she said, “How did you know?”</p>
<p>He glanced over at Claire.  “It’s her mother.”</p>
<p>“Oh no,” Audrey sighed.  “Take Claire into the waiting area.”</p>
<p>She left to meet the ambulance at the doors.  He walked back over to Claire.  She seemed lost in her thoughts.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said softly.  “Audrey’s going to take care of her.  Let’s go wait over here.”</p>
<p>He gently placed his hand against her to guide her towards the waiting area.  She still seemed to be in shock from the phone call.  He couldn’t imagine how she was feeling going from the high of her successful surgery to her mother being in an accident.  They entered the waiting area and he motioned for her to sit down.  He sat down in the chair beside her.</p>
<p>“Can I call anyone for you?”</p>
<p>She shook her head.  “No, it’s always been just us,” she answered.  “You should go help Dr. Lim.”</p>
<p>“She doesn’t need my help.”</p>
<p>She turned to look at him, her eyes filled with tears.  “You’re the best surgeon here.  You need to be the one taking care of her.”  She hastily wiped away a few tears that fell.</p>
<p>“Audrey is the best trauma surgeon.”</p>
<p>“She’s not you.”</p>
<p>While he always teased her about her praise of his talents, it did make him feel good that she trusted him so much.  Even if he thought he could do more to help her mother, he wouldn’t want to leave her here by herself.  They sat together in silence, the only sounds the ticking of the clock and an occasional sniffle from Claire.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure how long it had been when she turned to him again.</p>
<p>“Please go.”</p>
<p>He hesitated, not wanting her to be alone.  The door to the waiting area opened and a police officer entered.</p>
<p>“Ms. Browne?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Dr. Browne,” Neil corrected.</p>
<p>She gave him a small smile.  “Can you see how Mom’s doing? Please.”</p>
<p>Reluctantly he got up and left her alone to talk to the officer.   He walked to the trauma area and heard Audrey call time of death.  He closed his eyes as a wave of grief for Claire hit him.  She was just talking about healing her relationship with her mother and now she was gone.</p>
<p>Audrey stepped out and saw him.  She glanced around for Claire. </p>
<p>“She’s talking to an officer.  She wanted me to check on her mom.”</p>
<p>She sighed.  “Severe head trauma and internal injuries.  We tried, but there was nothing we could do.”  She looked towards the waiting area.  “This part is always hard, but telling Claire?”</p>
<p>He reached out and squeezed her hand.  Telling families that they had lost someone they loved was the most challenging part of the job. But telling someone they knew was even more difficult.  They walked together towards the waiting area.  The officer had already left.</p>
<p>Claire looked up as they walked in. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Claire,” Audrey started.  “We did everything we could, but the damage was too severe.”</p>
<p>They were words all three of them had delivered often, but Neil didn’t think they had every hurt more than as he watched Claire crumble.  She covered her face with her hands as if trying to hide her pain, and her body shook with the force of her sobs.   Audrey went and sat beside her rubbing her back.  Neil wished he could bring her mother back to life so he could take away the pain radiating from Claire.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, Claire asked quietly.  “Can I see her?”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>The three of them walked back towards the area.  Claire went in, while he stayed back with Audrey.</p>
<p>“I didn’t realize she was close to her mom,” Audrey said. </p>
<p>“I didn’t either,” he said, “It must be fairly recent.  She said they were going to celebrate her first surgery at dinner.”</p>
<p>They stood in silence giving Claire space to say her goodbyes.</p>
<p>“Does she have anyone we can call for her?”</p>
<p>He shook his head.  “She told me no, it was just them.”</p>
<p>“Damn,” she sighed.  “Do you think you could drive her home?”</p>
<p>“Of course,” he answered.</p>
<p>Audrey went in to check on Claire and tell her that Neil would drive her home.  Claire was silent as he led her to his car.  Other than telling him where she lived, and the quiet sobs, she didn’t say a word.  He didn’t know what to say or do to help her.</p>
<p>As they pulled up to her apartment, she turned to him, “Thank you.”</p>
<p>She wiped tears from her face.  He reached for his seat belt, but she shook her head.  “You’ve done enough for me.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“I’m just going to go to sleep.”  She undid her seatbelt and opened the door.</p>
<p>“Claire,” he called.  “You’re not alone.  You have people at the hospital who care about you.  You need anything call.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said softly.  “Have a goodnight.”</p>
<p>“Goodnight.”</p>
<p>He stayed in front of her apartment until he saw her go inside.  He reached for his phone and texted Audrey, it was definitely a whisky night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Neil watches as Claire deals with her grief.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Claire had come back to the hospital three days after the loss of her mother.  Neil had talked to Audrey about it and tried to convince her that they should tell Claire to take more time.  She disagreed with him and thought that being at work would be a better distraction, however, she said she would keep Claire on her rotation the next few days so that she could keep an eye on her. </p>
<p>He had seen Claire sitting in the lounge before rounds and had been hit by how different she looked.  It was as if the brightness and light she normally projected had been turned off.  The normal spark was missing, replaced by sadness and grief.  He tried to ask her how she was doing, and she had smiled and said fine.  The smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, and the fine was obviously a lie. Unsure what to do to help her, he left her alone.  He hoped that she knew that she could come to him if she needed someone to talk to.  He hadn’t seen her much the rest of the day.</p>
<p>At home with Audrey, she had shared her concerns about Claire.  Even though it was just her first day back, she noticed a change.   Typically, Claire was the most compassionate among the residents, going above and beyond what was expected from a doctor.  During their cases, she was withdrawn and almost rude when dealing with patients.  Neil was surprised, but as they talked about it, they decided that they needed to give her a break as she learned to deal with her grief.</p>
<p>However, after almost two weeks of this behavior and hearing about it from the other residents, attendings and nurses, he knew that something needed to change.  Audrey had told him that when she talked to Claire, she insisted that she was fine.  She had been late to work and said that she had a dentist appointment, but Audrey didn’t believe her.  They needed to do something before Claire ruined her career.  While Neil knew that Claire had the potential to be a gifted surgeon, he was more concerned about her.  This wasn’t like the person he had come to know and respect.  He didn’t want her to get lost in her grief.  He promised Audrey that he would try to talk to her as well.</p>
<p>The next day towards the end of the shift, he saw her walk out onto the balcony.  Taking a deep breath, he closed the files he was working on and followed her.  She turned when he opened the door but didn’t say anything as she turned back to look out over the city.  He moved to lean against the railing beside her.</p>
<p>“How are you?” he asked softly.</p>
<p>“Tired of people asking me that.”</p>
<p>“They’re worried about you.”</p>
<p>“Well, they can stop,” she said, pushing away from the railing.  “I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay not to be,” he turned to look at her.</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes.  “I think I know how I feel better than you.”</p>
<p>“I think you’re hurting and you’re angry.”</p>
<p>“Whatever,” she said turning to leave.</p>
<p>“Claire,” he called.  “This isn’t you.”</p>
<p>She turned back to face him, “Well the person I was killed her mother.”</p>
<p>He was speechless.  He had no idea how she had reached that conclusion or how long she had been keeping that inside.   He took a step towards her.  He saw in her eyes that she hadn’t meant to tell him that.</p>
<p>“No, you didn’t,” he said softly.  “It was an accident.”</p>
<p>She shook her head.  “They found an empty bottle of champagne in the passenger seat.”  Her lip quivered.  “A bottle I had bought.”   She looked at him all her pain, guilt and grief reflected in her eyes.  “If I had just dumped it out.”</p>
<p>She moved back towards the railing.  He turned to face her as she looked straight ahead.</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault.”</p>
<p>“I was selfish,” she said her voice breaking.  “I knew better.  I have done this for years.  I threw out every drop of alcohol. Every bottle I had, but one.”  She glanced over at him, tears streaming down her face. “Do you know why I didn’t dump that one?”</p>
<p>He shook his head.</p>
<p>“I wanted to celebrate my first surgery.  I knew my mom was trying to get better.  I have watched her try so many times and I knew that she always gave into temptation. Always.  If I had just…”  Her voice broke as she started to sob.  “If I had just dumped it out, she would still be here.”</p>
<p>Her body shook with the force of her tears as she leaned against the railing.  He felt overwhelmed by her grief and suffering.  He wiped at his eyes.  He took a step closer to her and rested his hand against her shoulder, trying to give her some comfort.</p>
<p>“It’s not selfish to want to celebrate your achievements,” he said gently.  “I’m assuming you didn’t just leave it on the counter.”</p>
<p>“No,” she said, wiping at her tears. “I hid it in a cabinet on the top shelf.”</p>
<p>He squeezed her shoulder before bringing his hand down to his side.  “So, she had to be looking for it.”</p>
<p>He needed for her to see that it wasn’t her fault.  She couldn’t control her mother’s actions.</p>
<p>“And if I hadn’t have kept it, she wouldn’t have found it.”</p>
<p>“Claire, if it hadn’t been there, she would’ve gone out and bought some.”</p>
<p>“You don’t know that,” she said softly.  “Maybe she would’ve given up.”</p>
<p>He was struck by all the pain he saw in her eyes, all the hurt that she had been masking for weeks.  He was mad at himself for not talking to her sooner and allowing her to suffer on her own.</p>
<p>“She was sick.”</p>
<p>“She was trying to get better,” Claire argued. </p>
<p>“And she failed, and she left you alone to deal with all the hurt.”</p>
<p>“So, did I,” she said, looking lost.  “It was always my job to take care of her, and I failed.”</p>
<p>“Claire, you didn’t fail her.   You couldn’t force her to stay sober.  That never should’ve been your job.” </p>
<p>She looked at him, her eyes glistening with her tears.  He took a deep breath, unsure how she would take his advice.  “I think it might help to talk to someone, a professional, because you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”</p>
<p>She nodded as she wiped at her tears.  “I will.”</p>
<p>“And remember you’re not alone,” he said.  “You have a whole hospital of people who care about you, who have been worried about you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome,” he said. </p>
<p>They stood together in silence as they looked out over the city.  He wished that he could so more for her, but hope sharing her feelings would be the first step towards healing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Neil's heartbreak.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neil rubbed his hand against his eyes.  He had been reading the same notes on his patient for the last ten minutes.  A lot had happened the past weeks, and he just felt numb.  He should wrap up and head home, but the idea of returning to an empty apartment did not appeal to him.</p><p>He allowed himself a moment to dwell on the sadness he had been ignoring.   It had started with the death of his patient and ended with Audrey ending their relationship.  He kept thinking about what he had done wrong and what he should have done differently in both cases.  Audrey’s words of love followed by it not being enough swirled around in his mind.  He knew he was right that if they hadn’t been together, his patient would still be alive.  He hadn’t thought it would end their relationship.</p><p>He felt as if he had just been going through the motions at work.  He was able to push his feelings and heartbreak aside to help his patients, but in the back of his mind there was still the lingering pain. The lingering questions of what had gone wrong.  He felt as if he were going around in circles. But it all kept coming back to a baby without a mother, and a love that wasn’t enough.  Maybe it was just that he wasn’t enough.</p><p>He glanced down at his notes again.  He just needed to continue to push through. He would survive just as he had done when he had broken up with Jessica.  That hurt had been different because he had really thought the two of them were going to grow old together.  Audrey and him hadn’t been at that point in their relationship, and he honestly wasn’t sure if they ever would have.  But he had been happy with her.</p><p>Now, he felt empty and heartbroken.  He needed to finish up with his notes.  Maybe he would go out to get a drink instead of heading home alone.  Something that would numb his  pain. </p><p>He looked up as Claire entered his office.  He noticed that she had her things and was getting ready to leave.  He noticed since their talk on the balcony that some of her spark had returned.  She wasn’t back to her usual self yet, but Neil knew she was taking care of herself.</p><p>“I just wanted to stop and see how you were doing.”</p><p>He closed his eyes and sighed.  He had forgotten that he had announced during surgery about the end of his relationship.</p><p>“I’m fine.”</p><p>“It’s okay if you’re not.”</p><p>“Using my own words against me?”</p><p>She stepped closer to his desk.   “You helped me when I was struggling, I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to.” </p><p>“Thank you,” he said. “But I’m fine.”</p><p>She nodded.  “Have a goodnight.”</p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p>He almost called her back to see if she would want to go get drinks with him.  Shaking his head, he pushed the thought away.    Deciding to leave his work for the next day, he packed up to leave. He wasn’t sure if he was going to go home or to the bar, but he planned on having some drinks to numb the pain.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eventually, Neil no longer has to pretend to be fine.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every day for the past two months, Neil had gone to work pretending that he was fine.  Going through the motions to be an excellent surgeon and mentor.  He felt like it was taking longer than he expected to get over his heartbreak.  He wondered if it was more the loss of his dream of a future, then the loss of the relationship.  Ever since he could remember, Neil wanted to be a surgeon and a father.  He wanted to have a family.   That desire ended his relationship with Jessica and had never been discussed with Audrey.</p>
<p>He was confident in his skills as a surgeon.  Despite the loss of his patient a few months ago, he knew he was one of the best.  His arrogance was well deserved.   He questioned if he would ever get the chance to have the family he so desperately wanted.  Going home to an empty apartment was rough.  The idea of trying to find someone else was exhausting. Both Jessica and Audrey understood the life of a surgeon.  That had made it easier to share both parts of his life.   Looking back, while both relationships mattered, neither were right for the long run.  He wondered if he would ever find the right person to spend his life with.</p>
<p>He sighed.  He felt as if he was continuing to go in circles about his personal life.  He needed to focus on his patients and what he could do to help them.  He was waiting to hear from Claire and Shaun about their newest patient. He had left them to collect the patient history and knew they should be back soon to share what they had learned.</p>
<p>Neil was glad to have Claire working with him. While all the residents had their strengths, he felt that he was able to work best with her.  While he had been dealing with the end of his relationship, she had reached out a few times to make sure he was okay.   At first he had continued to tell her that he was fine, but she was persistent.  While he didn’t share all the details with her, he had shared some of how he had been feeling.  He had to admit that talking to her had helped.  It was also good to see that while she was still grieving, she hadn’t let it consume her. </p>
<p>He looked up from his desk, as Claire entered his office.  He wished he could say that he was surprised that Shaun wasn’t with her, but he had been having personal issues lately.  He thought of asking where Shaun was, but decided he didn’t want to be involved with that drama.</p>
<p>Claire filled him in on their patient’s symptoms.</p>
<p>“Order am MRI and a full lab workup,” he said.</p>
<p>“The blood work is already at the lab, and she’s next in line for the MRI.”</p>
<p>This was one of the reasons he enjoyed working with her so much.  She knew what needed to be done and took the steps necessary to help her patients.  It didn’t mean he wouldn’t give her a hard time for it.  </p>
<p>He crossed his arms across his chest.  “And what would you have done if I told you to do something else?”</p>
<p>“We always need blood work, and I could cancel the MRI,” she smiled. “But I knew what you would want.”</p>
<p>“You were right this time.”</p>
<p>“I usually am.”</p>
<p>He laughed.  “Let me know when she goes for the MRI, I’ll come with you.”</p>
<p>“You don’t trust me to do it?”</p>
<p>“Of course, I do,” he smiled at her.  “Since you seemed so sure of what I would do, I want to see if your treatment is the same as mine.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she agreed.  “We’ll both write down what we want to do and compare it.”</p>
<p>“Or you can just tell me, and I’ll let you know if you’re right.”</p>
<p>She shook her head, “How would we know then if my idea was better?  You might just agree with me because my idea was brilliant.”</p>
<p>He enjoyed seeing this side of her.  So full of confidence in her abilities.  He was glad that Shaun was elsewhere so he could continue to work with just Claire.</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said, rolling his eyes.  “We can both write down what we want to do for treatment.”</p>
<p>“Is there a prize for who has the best plan?”</p>
<p>He leaned back in his chair.   “Whoever has the best plan, buys the other coffee.”</p>
<p>“I look forward to drinking that coffee.”</p>
<p>He laughed as she turned to leave.  For the first time in weeks, he didn’t feel weighted down by sadness.  Maybe he no longer had to pretend that he was fine, he was.</p>
<p>And the fact that they came up with an identical plan to treat their patient and had to buy each other coffee just made him feel even better.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Neil supports Claire as she continues to recover from her grief.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the past few weeks, Neil had gotten into a routine.  He would go for a run, shower, eat breakfast and head to work.  He no longer felt the sense of dread or sadness when he went to the hospital.  He found that Audrey and he were back to being friends, which if he was completely honest with himself was all they should have ever been.  He didn’t regret their relationship but looking back he could see why it never would have been successful.</p>
<p>He was focused on continuing to be the best surgeon and mentor he could be to his residents.  Each had their own strengths and areas of concern, and he was hoping to be able to support them all.  While he wasn’t supposed to have favorites, he enjoyed working with Claire the most.  She was incredibly talented and had more strengths than weaknesses.  Her one area that Andrews had told her to work on was being more assertive, which he felt she never had a problem with him.</p>
<p>As he entered, the lounge he found Claire already working on her laptop, papers surrounding her.   </p>
<p>“Good morning,” she said.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” he picked up the pamphlet next to her.  “PTSD, that’s an interesting topic.”</p>
<p>“I was thinking of writing a paper,” she said, as she closed her laptop.</p>
<p>He almost felt as if she were hiding what she was working on from him, which was unusual. </p>
<p>“If you want to talk over any ideas let me know,” he started to walk towards his office.</p>
<p>She sighed.  “I’m seeing a new therapist.”</p>
<p>He turned and walked back towards the table.  “That’s good.”</p>
<p>He knew that she had been working on dealing with her mother’s death and the lingering hurt and anger that caused.  She had mentioned before that she was seeing someone, but that their office hours were not conducive to a surgeon’s schedule.</p>
<p>“She thinks I have PTSD,” she looked up at him.  “That seems extreme.”</p>
<p>Sitting down in the chair beside her, he said, “You did experience a lot of childhood trauma.” </p>
<p>“So, you think she’s right?”</p>
<p>“I think doctor’s make the worst patients.  It wouldn’t hurt to listen to her.”</p>
<p>She made a face at him. “I promise to hear her out.”  She started to stack all her papers.   “She also thinks that I need to get closure.”</p>
<p>He leaned back in the chair.  “What does she want you to do?”</p>
<p>“She thinks I need to follow through with mom’s wishes and scatter her ashes.”</p>
<p>“Where are you keeping them now?” he asked.</p>
<p>“The trunk of my car,” she answered sheepishly.</p>
<p>“In that case, she might be right.”</p>
<p>She sighed.  “I know.  It’s just easier not to do it.”</p>
<p>“What were her wishes?”</p>
<p>“She wanted to be scattered by the sea lions.”</p>
<p>“Why sea lions?”</p>
<p>“They were her favorite.  No matter where we had to move, she would always find where the sea lions were.  We would go and sit by them for hours.”</p>
<p>He knew that her childhood had been rough, and was glad to see a small smile on her face as she mentioned the sea lions.</p>
<p>“When you decide to go, let me know.  I can go with you.”</p>
<p> “I appreciate that.”</p>
<p>“I’m proud of you Claire.  I know the past few months haven’t been easy.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said softly.</p>
<p>The others came into the lounge and they got ready for rounds.  Neil had Shaun and Claire working with him for the day.  He felt that the two of them made a good pair, each had brilliant ideas to help their patients, and Claire’s natural compassion helped support Shaun. They spent most of their day working in the ER.  Overall, it was an uneventful day.</p>
<p>Neil packed up to head home after the shift.  He was relieved that it had been a quiet day and he would be able to get home at a decent hour.  He looked up as Claire entered his office.  She was fidgeting and seemed almost nervous, which was very unlike her. </p>
<p>“Did you need something?” he asked after she was quiet for a minute.</p>
<p>“Never mind,” she said turning to leave.</p>
<p>“Claire,” he called.  “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Nothing,” she started.  He gave her a look letting her know that he didn’t believe her.  She sighed.  “I was wondering if you would go with me to scatter mom’s ashes.  I was going to ask Morgan, but she already had plans.”</p>
<p>He crossed his arms over his chest.  “I should say no just because you asked Morgan first.”</p>
<p>She laughed.  “I know you offered early, but I didn’t want to bother you.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t have offered if it was.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>They decided for him to follow her to her apartment and then he would drive them to the Marine Science Center.  He hadn’t wanted her to drive herself since it was likely to be an emotional night. She held the urn on her lap, and he could tell that she was struggling.  To take her mind off what they were doing, he teased her about him being her second choice and purposefully kept the conversation light as they drove to the center.</p>
<p>Once they arrived at the sea lion exhibit, he was unsure of what he should do.  He wanted to support her, but also wanted to give her privacy.</p>
<p>As they stood looking over the railing, she said, “I don’t know what to do.”</p>
<p>“Maybe say a few words or sing a song,” he offered.</p>
<p>She nodded.  He took a few steps away from her to offer her a moment along to say goodbye to her mother.  He couldn’t hear what she was saying at first, but then she started to sing “Amazing Grace.”  He was stunned by her voice.  He had known that her mother was a singer, but had no idea Claire was as well.   A few of the other people at the center got closer to hear her.</p>
<p>When she was done singing, he moved back towards her, a few of the others in attendance clapped for her and he noticed the blush that stained her cheeks.   She wiped a few stray tears away.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>He was glad that she didn’t have to go through this alone.  As they left the Science Center, Neil noticed a coffee shop nearby, and asked Claire if she wanted to go.  He wasn’t ready to take her home yet and wanted to make sure that she was okay after saying goodbye.  They had ordered their drinks and found a table in the back.</p>
<p>“How are you?” he asked.</p>
<p>She sighed as she wrapped her hands around her cup.  “I don’t know.  I’m sad but also feel like a weight has been lifted.”  She took a drink.  “And I really do appreciate you coming with me.  I’m sure there were many other things you could be doing with your night.”</p>
<p>He took a sip of his coffee.  “I’m glad that I could go with you.” He leaned forward towards her.  “But I do have a question for you?”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“We’ve worked together for three years.  How come I never knew you could sing?”</p>
<p>She looked down at the table.  “I don’t tell a lot of people.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”   He immediately regretted his question, when he noticed the sadness in her eyes.  “You don’t have to answer that.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” she said taking a deep breath.  “My mom was a singer and when I was little, we would sing together, just for fun.”  She took a drink.  “She told me that I had talent and there was a talent show with a money prize.  Mom wasn’t always good with paying the bills, so winning would have helped a lot.”</p>
<p>He continued to drink his coffee as she talked.</p>
<p>“So, the night of the talent show, I go out on stage and walk up to the microphone stand.  I was too short to reach it, so they had to hand me the mic.  I looked out and there were so many people just starting at me and I froze.  I couldn’t even tell them my name.  I started crying and ran off the stage.”  She fiddled with the lid of her cup.  “She was so mad at me, and a few days later we were evicted from our apartment.”</p>
<p>“How old were you?” he asked softly.</p>
<p>“Eight.”</p>
<p>His own family wasn’t perfect, but he had never felt anything but loved and safe growing up.  He couldn’t even imagine dealing with all that she had gone through as a child.  The fact that she was such a compassionate person after growing up in that way was a testament to her strength.  </p>
<p>“That’s a lot to have put on you.”</p>
<p>She shrugged.  “It wasn’t unusual.”</p>
<p>“You never sang in front of people again?” he asked, curious.</p>
<p>“She would force me sometimes to sing or play the guitar when she would have guests over, but I haven’t been on stage again.  I played some in college, but that’s about it.”</p>
<p>“Don’t let anyone at the hospital know, or they will have you performing at all the fundraisers.”</p>
<p>She laughed.  “I doubt that.”</p>
<p>He was glad to see the smile on her face after sharing such a difficult time in her childhood.  He felt honored that she was comfortable enough with him to share.</p>
<p>“Your turn,” she said.  “I feel like I’m always talking about myself and you never get a chance to share.  Tell me about your family.”</p>
<p>“I have a sister, Gabby, who I visit as often as I can.  I talk to my parents every Sunday after they go to Church.  What else do you want to know?”</p>
<p>“What does Dr. Melendez do in his spare time?”</p>
<p>“What spare time?” he laughed.  He thought for a moment before answering.  “Catch up on medical journals, cook, go running.”</p>
<p>“I run sometimes too,” she said.  “We should go together and see who is the fastest.”</p>
<p>“Always a competition,” he teased. “I think we both know that I’d win.”</p>
<p>“Only one way to find out.”</p>
<p>He was happy to see her smiling after the emotions of the day.  He enjoyed being the one to bring the light back to her eyes.   As they finished their drinks, they walked back to the car in a comfortable silence.   As he drove her home, she fiddled with his radio and was softly singing along.  After what he had learned about her past, he once again felt lucky that she trusted him. </p>
<p>He soon pulled up in front of her apartment.  She undid her seat belt and turned to him.</p>
<p>“Thank you.  I really appreciate you going with me.”</p>
<p>He nodded.  They looked into each other’s eyes and the atmosphere in the car changed.  His gaze fell to her lips.  A car alarm went off startling them both.</p>
<p>“Goodnight,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“Goodnight.”</p>
<p>He waited until she had made it inside her apartment before driving off, unsure if he was disappointed or relieved that they hadn’t kissed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Their friendship continues to grow.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night he went with Claire to spread her mother’s ashes was a turning point in their relationship.  They slowly began to spend more time together discussing patients at work and treatment plans.  They were often the last ones in the lounge finishing up.   Their conversations ran across a variety of topics from the professional to more personal.  He shared more about himself and learned more about her.  She quickly became his favorite person to spend time with and was his best friend.  Neither brought up the almost kiss in his car, choosing instead to pretend it never happened.</p><p>A few days after that night, they decided to meet up for a run at the track.  Claire was determined to see which one of them would be the fastest. They ran a few laps around the track to warm up, and he enjoyed having her beside him.  After they warmed up, they started the race.  It amused him how competitive Claire could be, and he enjoyed seeing a more playful side of her.  Unfortunately, he had underestimated her desire to win and was taken aback at her speed.  As she celebrated her victory, he told her they would have a rematch and took off running.  He laughed as he heard her cries of indignation.  When she caught up to him, she was out of breath and beautiful.  He knew he would have to trick her more often to see the smile light up her face.</p><p>They began to run together more frequently after that, sometimes at the track and other times around the hospital.  Neil was mindful of the fact that she was still a resident and would make sure to extend the offer to run to the others.  While he much preferred it to be just the two of them, he did not want anyone to think that he was playing favorites.  Alex and Morgan joined them occasionally, but Shaun was very vocal in his dislike of running.  Thankfully, most of the time it was just the two of them.</p><p>Their relationship grew in other ways as well.  He felt as if he was always aware of her presence, especially in the OR.  She always seemed to be just a step ahead of him, able to anticipate what he would need or ask her to do.  He wasn’t sure if it was just her brilliance shining through, or if they just worked that well together.  He was tempted to observe her with one of the other attendings to see if she did that with them too.    </p><p>He sat in the lounge reviewing the ideas they had come up with for their current patient.  Each idea seemed to leave them with the risk of paralysis.  He had hoped that between them all they would be able to find a better treatment.  He had sent the others home, hoping that a good night sleep would bring some new ideas in the morning.</p><p>He looked up as Claire walked in.  He couldn’t help but smile at her presence.</p><p>“I thought I sent you home.”</p><p>“You did,” she placed a cup of coffee next to him and sat down.  “It’s been a long day, I thought you might need this.”</p><p>“Thanks,” he said taking a sip.</p><p>She leaned over and took his notepad to see his notes.  He watched her as she read over them.  Without saying a word, he knew she agreed with him.</p><p>“You don’t have to stay,” he said. </p><p>“I don’t mind.”  She started to make notes next to his.</p><p>He leaned back in his chair and continued to watch her. He found himself doing it more often as they had gotten closer the past few weeks.   Some of the hair had slipped out of her braid and was framing her face.  He pushed away the urge to tuck it behind her ear.  He loved seeing the look of concentration on her face.  She looked up and caught him watching.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>He was reminded of another time she had caught him watching when he had asked her about having children.  He was still relieved that she hadn’t been offended by his personal question.</p><p>“You stole my work,” he teased.</p><p>“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.  “Do you want it back?”</p><p>He shook his head.  “You go ahead.  I could use some of your brilliance.”</p><p>She gave him one of her smiles that seemed to light up her face.  “Maybe our combined brilliance will be able to think of something that won’t leave her paralyzed.”</p><p>“I’m beginning to think that’s impossible.”</p><p>He ran his hand against his eyes.  He had been staring all the test results and scans they had done, and he just couldn’t see a way.</p><p>“Why don’t you go home?  I’ll keep thinking.”</p><p>“Are you forgetting that I already sent you home?”</p><p>“I’m not ready to give up.”</p><p>“Claire,” he started.</p><p>“I know what you’re going to say,” she interrupted.  “I am not too involved.”</p><p>He gave her a look of disbelief.  “Really?”</p><p>“She’s just a kid and she’s scared.  She plays soccer and needs to do her best so she can get a scholarship for college.”</p><p>“Not involved?”</p><p>“I just talked to her for a little while.  Her parents had to leave.”  She sighed.  “I just want to make sure we’ve gone through every option.”</p><p>“I know.  I don’t want you to be disappointed if we can’t help.”</p><p>She reached over and took his coffee.  Taking a sip, she said, “I could say the same about you.”</p><p>Ignoring her comment, he said, “First you take my notes and now your taking my coffee.”</p><p>She smiled at him and then went back to his notes.  Shaking his head, he moved his chair closer to her so they could work together.  He tried to ignore the feeling of contentment he felt working beside her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>All Neil wants is for her to be happy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neil had a problem.  He had gotten in the habit of talking to Claire when something was wrong, but considering she was the problem, he didn’t know what to do.  Somewhere along the line of their friendship he had fallen for her.  He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it changed from being friends to so much more.  He found himself constantly aware of her and always thinking of her.  She had even caught him a few times when he was daydreaming about a future he knew couldn’t happen.  He was still her boss and shouldn’t act on these feelings.</p>
<p>He had thought when her friend Dash had asked her out, it would put a stop to his feelings.  Instead, he was now not only in love with her, but also jealous.  Part of it was his own fault for pushing her towards Dash.  She had asked him what she thought she should do.  He had wanted to tell her then how he felt, but she deserved so much more than him.   A potential relationship between them would cause so many complications.  He had told her that she deserved to be happy and to give it a try.</p>
<p>He had told himself that he could handle watching someone else be the cause of her happiness. But in all honesty, it had hurt worse than he thought.  She didn’t share too much about what was going on with Dash, which also hurt.  He had gotten used to being the one that Claire came to, the one that she talked to, and he feared being replaced if her relationship turned serious.  They still went on runs together and talked at the hospital, but the dinners and meetings outside of the hospital stopped.  He missed her.</p>
<p>The worst part was that he couldn’t stop trying to make sure that she was happy.  A few days ago, Dash had sent her flowers while they were working on finding a solution for their patient.  He could still see the smile on her face as she smelled the flowers, wishing he had been the one to put it there.  He had been shocked when she admitted that she hadn’t kissed him yet.  There had been so many times that he had to fight his desire to kiss her, that he couldn’t imagine how Dash hadn’t done it yet.  She had seemed so unsure of herself, that he gave her some advice about not waiting for the right time if it was the right guy.  He hadn’t been able to bring himself to talk to her about it, to find out if she had taken his advice.</p>
<p>He stood up from his desk and packed up to leave.  He noticed that the light was still on in the lounge and that Claire was still working. He hesitated for a second before heading over.  He missed talking with her, and even if he couldn’t act on his feelings, he didn’t want to lose her friendship.</p>
<p>“You’re here late.”</p>
<p>She startled.  “So are you.”</p>
<p>“What are you working on?’</p>
<p>“Just finishing up my notes from the day.  Have you noticed Dr. Glassman spending more time in the gallery watching surgeries?” </p>
<p>“I haven’t really paid attention,” he admitted.  “Maybe he just misses it.”</p>
<p>He knew that Glassman had been spending more time away from the clinic lately but didn’t question it.  He focused instead on Claire.  Even after a long shift at the hospital she still looked beautiful.</p>
<p>She bit her lip.  “Are you upset with me?” she asked.</p>
<p>He sat down at the table.  “No, why?”</p>
<p>“We haven’t talked much the past few days.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been working with Andrews. It’s been busy.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she sighed.</p>
<p>He hated that she thought he was upset.  He had been avoiding her because he didn’t want to know if things with Dash had progressed further.</p>
<p>“How are things with Dash?”</p>
<p>“We decided to just be friends,” she answered.  “It’s kind of your fault.”</p>
<p>“Mine?” he asked, worried that he hadn’t hid his feelings as well as he thought.</p>
<p>“I took your advice and kissed him,” she said making a face.</p>
<p>He laughed. “That good, huh?”</p>
<p>“There was no spark.  I know part of it is because I still think of him as Kayla’s husband.”  She looked at him.  “And he wasn’t the right guy.”</p>
<p>He allowed himself to get lost in her gaze.  He wanted to tell her that he could be the right guy for her, even though it was the wrong time for them. It would be so easy to lean over and kiss her but instead he looked away. </p>
<p>“At least you’re not a pain like Shaun after his breakup.”</p>
<p>“He was a nightmare,” she agreed.  “Anyway, it’s probably for the best. I can focus on being the best surgeon.”</p>
<p>“You already are,” he said softly.</p>
<p>She smiled at him. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“How much more to do have to do?” he asked.  “Maybe we can go get some dinner.”</p>
<p>Her smile grew even brighter.  “I’d like that.  I’ve missed spending time with you.”</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>He kept her company as she finished the rest of her paperwork.  They talked some about their day.  He was content simply to be in her presence.  Once she was done, they both stood ready to get their stuff to leave.  As he turned, to get his things from his office, Claire grabbed his hand. His gaze traveled from their hands up to her eyes.</p>
<p>“I know this is the wrong time,” she said softly.</p>
<p>She stepped closer to him and kissed him.  He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her closer to him.  All he could think was that he was finally kissing her. He knew he should stop them and tell her they should wait until they left, but it felt so good to have her in his arms that he didn’t want to stop.  Unfortunately, his phone went off forcing them to break apart.</p>
<p>“Damn it,” he said as he realized that they their evening would be cut short as he was needed for an emergency surgery.</p>
<p>She smiled at him.  “I guess that means a raincheck.”</p>
<p>He rested his forehead against hers as he caught his breath.  “I’ll text you when I’m done if it’s not too late.”</p>
<p>“I could wait.”</p>
<p>He kissed her again, “That’s okay.  You go home.  I’ll talk to you later.”</p>
<p>As he headed down to the OR, he knew he was in trouble.  Now that he knew what it felt like to have Claire in his arms, there was no way they would be able to go back to the way it was before.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They talk about what they should do after the kiss.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The emergency surgery had lasted late into the night, Neil had texted Claire when he was done.  He was glad that she had been sleeping because he was exhausted.  However, he found it difficult to fall asleep, thinking about having finally kissed Claire. </p>
<p>As her boss and mentor, he knew he should put a stop to it and make it a one-time thing.  The last thing he wanted was for anyone to doubt her ability.  She was too talented and too special for him to get in the way of her success.   However, as a man in love, all he wanted was a chance to kiss her again and tell her how he felt about her.  He knew they would be perfect together.</p>
<p>As they had gotten closer, he found himself thinking more and more about what the future would look like if they were able to be together.  He thought about working side by side and then heading home together, he thought about being there for each other during the good and difficult times, and sometimes he even let himself think about the family he always wanted.</p>
<p>He was relieved that she had been the one who had kissed him. While he was confident in his feelings for her, he hadn’t been sure that she felt the same way.  After last night he had no doubt that they both felt the same.  Now, they just needed to have a conversation about what would happen next.</p>
<p>He texted some with Claire, neither mentioning the kiss but both looking forward to seeing each other at work.  Unfortunately, he didn’t get a chance to see her until towards the end of their shift.</p>
<p>He looked up as he saw Claire walk by his office and head out to the balcony.  He took a few deep breaths before he followed her out there.   All thoughts about discussing what had happened last night went out of his mind, when he noticed how she leaned against the railing, her shoulders shaking.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” he asked coming to stand beside her.  He placed his hand against her shoulder to comfort her.</p>
<p>“Our patient didn’t make it.” She turned to look at him as she wiped away some tears.  “Does it ever get easier?”</p>
<p>“No,” he answered honestly.</p>
<p>“I had to tell the family.”  Her lip quivered.  “They thanked me for trying.  I failed and they still thanked me.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t fail.” He dropped his hand for her shoulder to take her hand in his. “I know you.  You did everything you could.”</p>
<p>“And it wasn’t enough.”</p>
<p>“Are you thinking about your patient or your mother?” he asked softly.</p>
<p>While she would talk to him or her therapist about her grief, she still had moments when she would be overwhelmed.</p>
<p>“Both,” she wiped at her eyes.  “I was thinking about Mom earlier.  She had been trying to get better and I just really wanted to talk to her today.”</p>
<p>They moved over to sit on the bench. He kept her hand in his, so she knew he was there for her.  He had found that sometimes she just needed to talk through her feelings without him trying to help her.  He always wanted to find a way to take away her pain, but he learned that he did that just by listening to her.</p>
<p>“Then I got mad that she’s gone, that she wasn’t able to get better,” she sighed.  “Then I got mad at myself for being mad at her.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay to be mad at her.   You can miss her and still be angry.  You were trying to rebuild after a lifetime of pain.”</p>
<p>She wiped away her tears.  ““I think I’m doing better and then it just hits me all over again.”</p>
<p>“That’s normal.” He squeezed her hand.  “It’s good that you can talk about it.”</p>
<p>She moved to rest her head against his shoulder.  “Thank you.”</p>
<p>He wrapped his arm around her.  He wasn’t sure if it was an appropriate time to talk about the kiss from the night before.  She was hurting and he wasn’t sure what to say.  As always, she was much braver than he was. </p>
<p>“I kissed you last night.”</p>
<p>“I know,” he laughed.</p>
<p>“That’s what I wanted to talk to Mom about. Not that she would give the best advice, but I wanted to share with her.”</p>
<p>He wished that he could offer her some comfort.  He also wondered what exactly she would have told her mother.</p>
<p>“Do you wish I hadn’t kissed you?” she asked pulling away from him.</p>
<p>He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, allowing his fingers to gently caress her face.  “No,” he answered honestly.  “I wish we had done it sooner.”</p>
<p>“Me too,” she gave him one of her brilliant smiles.  “So, want happens next?”</p>
<p>“We should probably talk about what we want.”</p>
<p>“How about you come over for dinner?”</p>
<p>“Are you cooking?” he teased.  She had been very vocal about her lack of skills in the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Never,” she laughed.  “I’ll pick up something on the way home.”</p>
<p>They agreed to meet at her apartment after their shifts.  He felt the anticipation and nervousness in his stomach.  He felt like this conversation could be the beginning of what he had always wanted.</p>
<p>Once he got to her apartment, she surprised him by kissing him as he walked in the door. He smiled against her lips and wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer.  He could get used to this every time they saw each other.  He knew they still needed to talk about how they would handle the issues at work, but for the moment he just simply wanted to enjoy her.</p>
<p>They sat down to eat the food Claire had picked up on her way home.  He felt as if a weight had been lifted.  He no longer had to tell himself not to touch her or look at her.  He was able to brush his hand against hers, touch her back as he walked by, and sneak kisses as they cleaned up the dishes.</p>
<p>Finally, they sat down together on her sofa.  She sat with her knees bent underneath her as she turned to face him.  Part of him wanted to skip the conversation and pull her into his arms, but he knew they needed to talk, especially about what they would do with work.  </p>
<p>“What are we going to do?” she asked softly.</p>
<p>“I think we have three choices.”</p>
<p>She gave him a small smile, “You’ve been thinking about this?”</p>
<p>“Haven’t you?”</p>
<p>“For way too long.”  She reached out and took his hand.  “What are our choices?”</p>
<p>“We could keep thing as they were,” he said, hating it even as he said it.</p>
<p>“You mean just friends,” she said, making a face.  “I don’t think I can do that.”</p>
<p>“I know that’s the safest choice for dealing with work, but I don’t think I can either.”</p>
<p>The thought of trying to go back to the way it was before broke his heart.  Now that he knew what it felt like to kiss her and be able to touch her, he could never go back.</p>
<p>“So that’s one down, what are the other two?”</p>
<p>“We keep it a secret or we tell everyone at the hospital.”</p>
<p>“Which do you think we should do?”</p>
<p>He shook his head.  “We have to decide this together.  Unfortunately, it is your career that could be affected, which is the last thing that I want to happen.”</p>
<p>“I’ve thought about it, even talked with my therapist about it.”</p>
<p>“Did she have any advice?”</p>
<p>“She thought I should talk to you about how I was feeling.  I thought showing you was better.”</p>
<p>He brought her hand up to lips and kissed her.  “I’m glad you did.”</p>
<p>He honestly wasn’t sure which of the choices would be best for them.  He wasn’t looking forward to having to declare another relationship with HR, but he also didn’t want to hide his feelings for Claire any longer.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to hide this,” she said, echoing his thoughts.  “I also don’t want everyone in the hospital involved in our relationship.”</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>“But I think it would be much worse if we get caught and hadn’t told anyone.”</p>
<p>He nodded in agreement.  Hiding their relationship made it seem as if they were doing something wrong.  And while an attending shouldn’t have a relationship with a resident, he knew that this wasn’t just some fling, he knew it was forever.</p>
<p>“Maybe we can wait a few days to tell anyone,” he said.  “That way we get a little bit of time with it being just us before we have to deal with everyone else.”</p>
<p>“I think that’s a good plan.”</p>
<p>He tugged her hand, pulling her to him.  He captured her lips with his.  He was glad that they had talked about what they wanted to do, and now he wanted to show her how much he cared about her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The next day.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neil’s alarm startled him awake.  He had to lean over Claire to reach it to turn it off.  He ran his fingers across her  bare back.  She turned and wrapped her arm around his waist drawing herself closer to him.</p>
<p>“Why are you getting up so early?”</p>
<p>“I need to go home and change before work.”</p>
<p>She pressed a kiss to his chest.  “Or you could just be late.”</p>
<p>“Tempting,” he said kissing her.  “I’ll see you at work.”</p>
<p>She sighed.  “Next time you’ll need to pack a bag.”</p>
<p>“I will,” he said smiling as the thought about all the mornings he would get to spend waking up with her in his arms.</p>
<p>They spent a few more minutes lying in bed before he forced himself to get up.  He stood watching her as she drifted back to sleep.  He quickly got dressed and left to go home before he gave into his temptation to climb back into bed.</p>
<p>Once at home he took a shower and got dressed for work.  He thought about how his relationship with Claire had changed in a short amount of time and how happy he was with the change.   He knew that there would be challenges as they shared their relationship with those at the hospital, but he knew it was worth it.  </p>
<p>He finished getting ready and then headed to the hospital.  Even though he had just left her a little while ago, he was looking forward to seeing her again.  Now that he knew what it felt like to be with her, he hoped that he would be able to maintain his distance from her.  They both had practice ignoring their feelings for each other.  He just needed to make sure that he put the walls back up between them and remembered that he couldn’t touch her at work.</p>
<p>As he walked into his office, he noticed that Claire and Shaun were already in the lounge.   As he settled in, he took a moment to watch her.  He was curious what they were talking about as he watched a variety of emotions play across her face, first happiness and then exasperation.</p>
<p>Grabbing his coffee, he entered the lounge to find out about their patient and maybe about their conversation as well.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” he said.</p>
<p>Claire stood.  “I’m going to go check on Ms. Jones,” she said giving him a smile as she left.  He noticed a slight blush on her cheeks as she walked by.</p>
<p>He turned to Shaun.  “Everything okay?”</p>
<p>“I asked an inappropriate question for work.”</p>
<p>Neil wasn’t sure if he wanted to know but asked anyway.  “What did you ask?” He took a sip of coffee.</p>
<p>“I asked her if she had sex last night.”</p>
<p>He coughed as he choked on his coffee.  “Shaun, why would you ask that?”</p>
<p>“Claire seemed extra happy this morning, sex makes me happier too.”  He picked up his tablet and stood. He stared at him for a moment.  “Don’t worry, I won’t ask that again.”</p>
<p>Thankfully, Shaun left to attend to their patients.  While his question was inappropriate, part of Neil felt a sense of pride that he was able to make Claire happy.  That was all he every wanted for her.  Now of course they might have to change their plan about keeping their relationship to themselves.  If Shaun was able to notice a change, it might be best if he talked to Aaron sooner than they wanted.  He wanted first to talk to Claire, he would never make a decision without talking to her first.</p>
<p>He found her in the process of giving their patient an MRI.  He stood in the doorway for a moment watching her work.  He could see why Shaun questioned her, there was a glow about her.  She must have felt him watching because she turned and looked at him.</p>
<p>“He told you,” she said rolling her eyes.</p>
<p>He laughed as he sat down next to her.  “Of course,” he resisted the urge to kiss her.  “I’m just glad you’re happy.”</p>
<p>“I am,” she smiled at him.  “I wouldn’t mind being even happier later.”</p>
<p>He shook his head.  She was going to make this difficult.  He wanted nothing more than to shut the door and bring her that happiness now.</p>
<p>She brought him back from his thoughts.   “I think we need to talk to Dr. Glassman.”</p>
<p>“I think so too.  I wanted to talk to you about it first.”</p>
<p>“If Shaun picked up on it, then the others will eventually too.”</p>
<p>They completed the test on their patient, finding nothing he told her to talk with Shaun to think about next steps while he went to talk to Aaron.  He was nervous but he knew it was the right thing to do.  Neil knocked on the door and was called in.</p>
<p>“Do you have a minute to talk?” he asked.</p>
<p>Aaron motioned for him to sit down.  “Of course.  Is everything okay?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I wanted to talk to you about Claire.”</p>
<p>“About your relationship?” he asked. </p>
<p>“How did you know?”</p>
<p>“I’m the president.  I know what’s going on in my own hospital.”  He gave him a look.  “Why do you think I’ve been watching more surgeries?”</p>
<p>Neil frowned.  “I don’t understand.”</p>
<p>“I wanted to make sure that you weren’t showing favoritism to Dr. Browne, so I watched how you interacted with her and the other residents as well as how she was with the other attendings.”</p>
<p>“But we just got together last night.”</p>
<p>Aaron looked shocked.  “Really? I thought it happened a while ago.”  He shook his head.  “I noticed that she is an excellent surgeon and you did not give her more opportunities than the others. She worked just as hard for you as she does the others.  I will tell HR that as well.”</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure what he had expected when he came to tell Aaron about the change with Claire, but he hadn’t expected this.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Neil, I’ve known you since you were a resident.  You wouldn’t risk either one of your careers if it wasn’t something serious.”</p>
<p>They talked a little more about the logistics of what would need to happen.  Aaron wanted to talk to Claire on his own and then they would need to share with the others.  Claire would no longer be his resident, but he wouldn’t be prevented from doing surgeries with her if another attending was there.</p>
<p>The rest of the day went by in a blur.  He worked with Claire and Shaun on their patients, talked with Mark and Audrey about his relationship with Claire, while she talked to the residents, and then they had to go to HR before they left for the day.</p>
<p>Having Aaron’s support helped to make the conversations easier.  Neither Mark or Audrey were surprised about their relationship, and both were happy to have Claire working more with them.  He had a moment with Audrey where she told him she was happy for him and that she always knew that something would happen between him and Claire.  If she hadn’t been his resident, they probably would have gotten together earlier. He knew she was right.</p>
<p>Claire had wanted to speak to the other residents herself.  He sat at his desk waiting to hear how it went.  He had wanted to go with her, but she felt that they would be more honest in their reactions without him there.  After what felt like hours, she came into his office and sat down.</p>
<p>‘How was it?”</p>
<p>“It went better than I thought.”  She sighed.  “Shaun was happy because he knew something was different this morning.  Alex was worried about how people would think that I used you to get ahead, and Morgan was worried that I’ll get special treatment.  I told them about what Dr. Glassman did, and I think that helped.  We’ll just have to see.”</p>
<p>“Are you ready to go to HR?”</p>
<p>“No,” she leaned back and closed her eyes.  “I’d much rather just go home with you.”</p>
<p>He laughed.  “We will soon.”</p>
<p>They sat together a few more minutes before they headed to HR.  Once they officially declared their relationship, there would be nothing in the way of their happiness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Six months later</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Six Months Later</p><p>The change from being just friends to being in a relationship was an easy transition. They had a solid foundation of friendship to build upon.  When Neil thought back to the weeks before they officially decided to be together, he could see why Aaron thought they were already a couple.   While there had been some adjustments to their professional relationship, it was well worth it.  He did not get the chance to work with her very much, which was a shame.   They were very good at keeping their professional and personal lives separate.  Too good in his opinion especially when newer employees would flirt with Claire not knowing that she was with him.</p><p>A few months into their new relationship, he had taken her to meet him sister and his parents.  She had been nervous, but they loved her just as he knew they would.  She shared more about her relationship with her mother and things that had happened when she was growing up.  Claire was the first to admit that she didn’t have the best role models for relationships, and there were times that caused some fights.  As did the fact that they were both stubborn.  In the end, all that mattered was that they always talked about it and dealt with whatever issues might come up.  Their relationship was worth fighting for. She still went to see her therapist and he had gone with her a few times.  </p><p>They alternated between each other’s apartments, rarely spending the night without the other.  He loved falling asleep with her, waking up with her and everything in between.  They had recently had a talk about officially moving in together.  They had decided that they wanted to get a bigger place with plenty of room for their future children.  They had begun the search for the perfect place spending time sitting together looking at homes.</p><p>He looked up as Claire walked in his office.  They had a challenging case earlier where they needed multiple surgeons.  It was the first time in a while that he got to work side by side with her.</p><p>“Good job today.”</p><p>She smiled.  “Thanks.  It was good to work with you.”</p><p>He sighed.  “I really want to kiss you.”</p><p>“Then I guess we just need to go home.”</p><p>He stood and packed up his things to leave. “Want to pick up something on the way home?”</p><p>She nodded.  “Maybe we can look at some houses too.”</p><p>As they walked out the door, he felt a sense of peace wash over him.  He looked forward to their future together.  Maybe now he could give her the ring he had hidden in his drawer.</p><p>The End</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read this story.  I really appreciate all of the feedback and comments.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>